


i wanna love you but i dont know how

by ravens_tell_stories



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Shifting Lines - DovahTobi
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, That's all there is, how do you tag, literally tho it is JUST fluff, shifting lines, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25384816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravens_tell_stories/pseuds/ravens_tell_stories
Summary: “Tell me to stop,” he sighs, breath warming Remus’ own lips and making him weak in the knees. “If I’m wrong about this.”Remus says nothing.~wolfstar first kiss!! it's just 2.5k of fluff :)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 124





	i wanna love you but i dont know how

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DovahTobi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovahTobi/gifts).



> i want to thank everyone on the discord for encouraging me with this, and special thanks to Tobi for creating this lovely place and to Em for being a lovely beta <3
> 
> "raven," i hear you saying, "you have so many other things you're supposed to be working on! why did you write this??"  
> well. 1) i wanted to and 2) i've been trying to come up with something to write for SL and this was the first thing that actually worked for me!!
> 
> if you don't know, Shifting Lines is a long haul remus-centric WIP by DovahTobi. we're currently in the second year, and it's fantastic!!! please check it out, and come join us over at the discord server :)
> 
> in the meantime, i hope you enjoy this fluff! im actually pretty proud of it :D

It starts at one of James’ Quidditch matches.

Well, if Remus is being honest with himself, it started way back in first year. In the trophy room, when they agreed to be friends - maybe even before that.

But now, standing in the frigid January air, watching Sirius grin and whoop and cheer, Remus can feel it. He can  _ feel _ that it is going to happen. Soon. The nervous, fidgeting part of him still nestled in the back of his mind tries to wonder  _ what if this is because of the wolf? What if that’s the only way I can tell? _

He pushes it back, though, and focuses on the warmth radiating from where Sirius’ hand rests in his shoulder. Focuses on the way they’re leaning together, the way the dull roar of the crowd seems quiet in comparison to the blood he can hear pounding through Sirius’ veins.

“ _ Remy _ !” Sirius screams, jumping and turning to beam at him. “Remy, we won! We  _ won _ !”

Remus grins back and nods. “I saw!”

Sirius barks out a laugh and wraps his arms around the smaller boy, pulling him into a tight hug. He buries his face in the crook of Remus’ neck, lips still grinning against cool, smooth skin.

“We won,” he murmurs, and Remus can literally  _ smell _ his happiness. Can smell it turning darker, almost, less unbridled joy and more focused contentment. He can feel his own mood changing to match when Sirius turns to nuzzle even closer, lettting his lips drag along the column of Remus’ throat, before pulling away.

They lock eyes, silver on bronze, and Sirius gives a beautiful smile that speaks a million words.

Then he turns, gives Peter a quick embrace. Sends one more brilliant grin Remus’ way, and is bounding down the stadium stairs to meet James on the field.

Remus stays where he is, blood thrumming through his body so fast and so fierce he can feel himself  _ vibrating _ from it, can feel his legs shaking the way they had when Lily cast a Jellify Curse on them. He’s numb to everything around him, numb to the shouting and the jumping and the cheering, numb to everything but the memory of warm lips on cold skin, frozen nose poking past the rough wool of a Gryffindor scarf.

“Remus! You coming?” Peter calls, breaking through the film that’s settled over Remus’ mind. “Siri went to meet James!”

“Y—” his voice cracks and he stops, clears his throat. “Yeah, Pete,” he tries again, wrenching his thoughts from silver eyes and slow smiles. “I’ll be right behind you.”

-

Three days pass. Neither of them talk about it.

Remus feels his stomach twisting every time he and Sirius are alone, feels his skin heating and burning, but if the other boy notices he doesn’t say anything about it. In fact, he seems to be trying to make Remus react - staying in the dorm with him while he’s studying, sitting pressed against him at meals, making comments that are almost flirtatious. And just like before, Remus  _ knows _ . He knows what Sirius is doing - he can smell the hope rolling off of him in waves, can see the moments when he almost leans in, almost presses impossibly closer, almost—

But he never does. He lets his eyes flit away, lets his body rock backwards just enough that they can both breathe again.

Remus never stops him.

It isn’t until he wakes, screaming, from a nightmare that he realizes maybe he should be trying to discourage this. He doesn’t  _ want _ to - Merlin, he’ll never  _ want _ to - but after seeing Sirius torn apart, lying bloody on the floor of the shack… no. There’s no way he can risk his friend’s safety this way.

“Rem?” a voice whispers on the other side of his curtain. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he croaks, curling tightly around his middle. “I’m fine, Sirius. Go back to bed.”

He can hear a deep intake of breath before the curtains slide back, just enough for a lithe body to slip in and settle beside him.

“Sure you are. What happened?”

Remus sighs, rolling over onto his back. He twists his fingers into his sheets.

“Nothing.”

Sirius snorts. “‘Course, yeah, that’s why you woke up screaming bloody murder.”

There’s a potent pause, a silence thick and heavy with expectation. Remus sighs again.

“I killed you.”

It’s murmured into his own elbow, so quiet he himself can barely hear it. He’s worried for a moment he’ll have to repeat it, but Sirius tenses enough that it’s obvious he heard.

“Oh.”

Another pause.

“I don’t…” Remus starts, quietly, after a minute. “I don’t want to hurt you, Sirius. I  _ can’t _ hurt you. And I—”

“Hey,” Sirius interrupts, tipping over to lay just beside Remus. “Rem, you won’t. I know you won’t hurt me.”

He reaches one hand up, trailing his fingertips just barely across the other boy’s chest, to smooth his hair back from his sweaty forehead, then strokes lightly down to his cheek. Remus shivers, fluttering his eyes shut at the sensation, and lets himself fade backwards towards sleep.

Just as he’s nodding off, he feels Sirius shift closer, so his chest is flush against the side of Remus’ arm, and lean his head to rest against his ear. He presses his lips to the hinge of Remus’ jaw, glides them lightly across his cheek in a barely-there kiss.

“Sleep well, Rem.”

-

In the next few days, things return to normal. James and Peter, still oblivious to the growing tensions between their friends, suggest a trip to Hogsmeade in the middle of the week. Remus, reluctant to sneak out when they no longer have to, pleads a study session with Lily and Aegis and stays behind.

Sirius sends him a wink as they leave.

They’re only gone for a few hours, and after his other friends head to bed Remus sits alone in the common room with a book until he hears the portrait swing open. He glances over the back of his armchair and waves to the boys, then marks his page and stretches.

“Have fun?” he asks when Sirius sidles up next to him.

“Tons,” Sirius agrees.

James and Peter make their way up the stairs, each sporting bags full to bursting. Sirius and Remus remain staring at the fire, the former fiddling with the straps of a smaller, dark blue bag.

“What’s that?” Remus asks finally, nodding at the bag.

Sirius starts. “It’s, um, well - you can’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Remy, promise me you won’t be mad.”

Remus’ only response is a raised eyebrow. Sirius huffs and shoves the bag under Remus’ nose, murmuring softly.

“I got you a present.”

“Wha—  _ Sirius _ .”

“Just open it.  _ Please _ .”

He glares and shoves the bag open, digging down to the bottom where there’s a small white box. Despite himself, he can feel his blood racing with excitement and curiosity as he pulls it open.

Inside, on a small cushion, rests a shimmering black pin in the shape of a crescent moon, silver stars dotted around the surface of it.

Remus sucks in a sharp gasp.

“It, um. I wanted to get you something you can, y’know, keep on you. I figured you could, I dunno, put it on your robes. Or something,” Sirius’ voice is a mixture of hope and shame and something else, something Remus can’t quite place.

He stays silent.

“Do you…” hesitance laces his words, now. “D’you like it?”

_ Yes, _ he wants to shout.  _ Yes, it’s beautiful. I love it. _

Instead, he tucks the box back into the bag without saying a word. He sets the bag on the coffee table in front of him and rises to his feet, watching Sirius squirm from the corner of his eye. He reeks of anticipation, plus a bit of fear and a darker thing Remus doesn’t dare name.

He turns to face the other boy. Takes one step forward, then another, until they’re practically nose-to-nose and Remus can feel Sirius’ stuttered breaths ghosting across his face.

“Sirius,” he whispers, threading disappointment into his voice. “You know I don’t like presents.”

He watches Sirius’ throat work as he swallows. “I-I won’t get you anything for your birthday. Promise.”

A single press on his chest sends Sirius stumbling backwards, eyes dark and locked on Remus even when his back crashes into the wall beside the fireplace.

Remus stalks closer, crowding into him again. “Not good enough.”

“Y-you could pay me back?”

“Hmm,” he hums. “That would certainly help. How much was it?”

Sirius gulps again, darting his eyes between Remus’ own and someplace lower. “Fifteen galleons.”

“ _ Fifteen _ ?!”

“The stars, they - they aren’t silver. I had the shop owner paint over them. Made it cost more. Would’ve been eight, otherwise.”

Somewhere higher in the tower, a door slams. Remus jerks his head to the stairs, listening intently for anyone to come walking in on them, and doesn’t notice Sirius take a deep, calming breath. His attention snaps back when thin fingers wrap around his wrist, then he’s spinning and before he knows what happened Sirius is holding his arms to the wall, leaning in and staring into his eyes.

Remus feels prickles of warmth cascading across his body and fights to keep a whimper from bubbling up.

Sirius tilts his head, grinning, and moves even further in towards Remus’ ear.

“You’re not going to pay me back,” he whispers, grip tightening almost possessively. “I got you a present because I  _ wanted _ to get you a present. Wear it. It’ll suit you.”

He pulls part way back with a smirk, and presses his lips into Remus’ temple, then draws all the way away and gives another devilish grin.

“Goodnight, Remus.”

When Remus finally makes it up the stairs to his dorm, he sets the bag with the pin on top of his uniform for the next day.

He wears it.

-

“ _ Shit _ ,” Sirius swears, darting around a corner with Remus right on his heels.

A prefect barrels after them a moment later, shouting for them to stop. He’s chased them up at least four flights of stairs already, and Sirius seems to be heading for another. Remus snags his sleeve and pulls him in a different direction. They race down one floor and around so many corners he barely knows where they are, but then Sirius spots something and gasps sharply enough to catch Remus’ attention, and after a few more steps they’re tumbling into the dark silence of a hidden passage behind a tapestry.

“Merlin,” Remus pants, curled around his knees in the tight space. “Next time, James is planting the potion.”

Sirius huffs a laugh and leans his head on the wall, running one hand through his hair.

“Tell me about it,” he agrees.

Remus holds up one hand suddenly, eyes wide, and listens carefully. After a moment of tense silence he relaxes, giving Sirius a quick grin.

“Went right past us.”

Sirius nods and grins, chest still heaving with heavy breaths. He locks his eyes on Remus’ and lets his smile fall away, his features softening into something incredibly vulnerable. He looks torn, as if there’s something he wants but doesn’t know how to get it.

Remus fidgets under his stare, swallowing as he recalls the previous week. His hand darts to the pin, clipped onto his robe just over his heart, and Sirius’ dark eyes follow the movement.

He cocks his head and takes a step forward, seemingly before he can stop himself.

“Rem,” he whispers, lurching towards him again. He’s breathing heavily still - or maybe again, Remus can’t really tell - but the way his pupils have been blown out says it’s not from running.

“Sirius,” Remus replies, equally soft. The passage was already small, and after only two steps they’re nearly pressed together. “Do you remember the Quidditch game?”

The other boy smirks. “Of course I do.”

“C-can you--”

He cuts off, realizing he isn’t sure what happened at the game had been on purpose. Hell, he isn’t sure the look on Sirius’ face means what he thinks it does - he isn’t sure about anything.

In his distraction, Sirius has moved even closer. Their bodies are only inches apart, their faces close enough for Remus to count the faint freckles on Sirius’ forehead. His eyes flit down to pink lips just as Sirius darts his tongue out to wet them, and Remus swallows, lightheaded.

Sirius places one hand on the wall by Remus’ head, then the other, agonizingly slowly, and begins to lean in.

“Tell me to stop,” he sighs, breath warming Remus’ own lips and making him weak in the knees. “If I’m wrong about this.”

Remus says nothing.

Sirius’ mouth twitches up into a smile, and he closes the last of the distance between them.

Their lips lock together sweetly, nothing but a soft press at first. Remus stays still, barely believing it’s real, but then Sirius begins to draw away and he makes a needy noise in the back of his throat and reaches one hand up to fist in the front of his robes and--

_ That _ feels real.

Remus leans further back into the wall, pulls Sirius further in, pushes them both further together. He lets his eyes close, his hands reaching up to grip at Sirius’ shoulders, and can feel Sirius smirking against his lips as they deepen the kiss.

Merlin, the  _ kiss _ .

_ Remus Lupin is kissing Sirius Black. _

They pull apart slowly, needing to breathe but not wanting the moment to end. Sirius rests his head against Remus’, their faces still close enough for him to press another soft kiss on the bridge of Remus’ nose.

“Wasn’t sure you were gonna let me do that,” he rasps after a moment, a blush painting his cheeks. “Couldn’t tell if I was making this whole thing up or not.”

“Y-y-you we-weren’t.”

Remus clears his throat, embarrassed, and fiddles with the hem of his school robe. Sirius takes one hand off the wall to twine their fingers together, giving the other boy a brilliant smile.

“That’s good.”

They stand quietly for a moment before Remus starts to giggle. Sirius gives him a fond smile and squeezes his hand.

“What’s funny, Rem?”

He giggles again and buries his head in Sirius’ shoulder. “Nothing, I’m just… I’m happy.”

Sirius twists to press a soft kiss against Remus’ neck and smiles. “James didn’t give you any butterbeer, did he?”

Remus snorts quietly. “ _ No _ . It’s just you. You make me happy.”

He hears a sharp intake of breath and pulls back, worried, only to see a smile on Sirius’ face that’s brighter than ten thousand suns.

“You make me happy, too,” he whispers, drawing their still-clasped hands up to place a butterfly kiss across Remus’ knuckles. “We’d better go, though. Don’t want to get caught if the prefect doubles back.”

“Yeah,” Remus nods, reluctant to leave this little sanctuary they’ve made for themselves.

Sirius leans in and gives him a peck on the lips, grinning when he pulls back. “I can’t believe I waited so long to do that,” he mutters as he steps away.

Remus beams back.


End file.
